
“5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust is difficult – it shouldn’t be, but it is. We all view the world through our own understanding of it, but our understanding is finite and limited. I understand the inner workings of an intricate computer chip, but not how I should use that. I understand how stars form from clouds of dust, but not how that dust first came to be. I understand that God willingly died for me to live, but not my own heart when I turn away. There is a lot I do not understand, so much that even thinking of trusting in my own understanding of the world seems like a ridiculous idea. But God understands all. His understanding, much like his love and his grace, is infinite. The father knows absolutely everything and promises that he’s working for our benefit (Proverbs 3:5-6 above, Romans 8:28), and that being the case trusting God and seeking his will is the only course of action that makes sense. So why is it so hard?
Timing
I’m impatient. I want answers, I want knowledge, I want guidance and I want them all now. God works on his own time-scale not mine or yours, and that’s incredibly frustrating. It’s so easy to lose sight of the fact that God has a plan, he knows what he’s doing. Look at salvation – man falls in Genesis and God has a plan, right there in the garden (Genesis 3:15). He then carries out that plan over thousands of years, across many generations of mankind until he defeats sin at the cross. Why did it take so long? I’ve no idea. But if God is capable of carrying out such a plan and capable of showing such grace in doing so then how can I not trust him to have a reason, and to have the same in my own life? I pray and want an answer immediately, but I shouldn’t. If it takes a year or two for a reply, I’m sure there’s a reason for that. It’s frustrating and even painful, but God has all power and he’s working for my good – and I need to remember that.
No
Of course, there’s also the possibility that when God seems to be taking a long time to answer prayer he is answering it already – he’s just saying no. I don’t think anyone likes being told no, particularly concerning something they consider important enough to have been praying about for a long time. Again here it seems to me that remembering God’s the one with true understanding and a plan far superior to mine is the only solution. So I pray that if I’m wrong he’ll change my heart and desires to match his own, and if that isn’t happening I see no option but to live in hope that I’m not being told “no”, simply “not yet”.
Delusion
So what’s the cause of all the above? The great delusion that I know better than God, that I understand, that my plan is superior. That simply isn’t true, but though I know it in my head I seem to forget it in my heart so often. Please God, change my heart – work in it and help me to trust you always, in all ways.
Why on Earth did I write this?
It’s quite a deviation from previous technical posts, but I often find it useful to write down my thoughts for my own benefit. Condensing them into English forces me to think things through and clarifies an often messy chain of thought. It’s also funny to read them years later and wonder what I was thinking… This one seemed like it’d be readable to others, and I presume if you’ve made it this far you found it at least vaguely interesting. If not, well you chose to read it and I’m offering no refunds.